no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
