You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
