i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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