i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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