Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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