these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
