I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
