The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
