yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The air was thick with penises
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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