I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
