I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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