if you like me you must not know who I am
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
