Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
