I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There's even glitter on my cock...
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