He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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