if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
