I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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