do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
