Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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