I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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