SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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