There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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