my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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