you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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