mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
