Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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