her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Semen is not good for contacts.
As shirtless as possible
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
