I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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