I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
