I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
