I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
