i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
