I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
