I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
