I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
