So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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