So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize