who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
