Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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