I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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