Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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