I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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