I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
