Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
