you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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