she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
