3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
