If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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