but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
