...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
