watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
