The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
