Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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