Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
do nipples grow back?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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