What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
