Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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