1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
