How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
