Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
