i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
