The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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