life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
