as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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