Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
