batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are a genius and a whore.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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