just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
