I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
