You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
