I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I FOUND THE LEGS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
