Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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