Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
