Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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