If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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