She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They have beer where we have blood.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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