I am spending my child support on dildos
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
