I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize