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At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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